The Substantial Presence Test
Reflections from the Burning House
T H E S U B S T A N T I A L P R E S E N C E T E S T (a poem using words of the U.S. federal government and the foundation of heritage except for a few words in parentheses added for clarity . . . this poem is meant to be read with authority and with emphasis included while standing preferably with right hand over heart and before persons who are at the least substantially present) “TO BE CLEAR: If you are an ALIEN, BEING In the United States Is a privilege, Not a right.” (an ICE official said, coldly) AND AN ALIEN Is an INDIVIDUAL Who is NOT A U.S. CITIZEN AND is NOT A U.S. NATIONAL AND A U.S. NATIONAL Is an INDIVIDUAL who is NOT A U.S. CITIZEN BUT WHO OWES permanent allegiance To the United States OF AMERICA. And ONE WHO owes a permanent allegiance To the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA I S. A. P E R S O N. WHO HAS TAKEN AN OATH OF NATURALIZATION (which says) I hereby declare, On oath, That I absolutely and entirely Renounce and abjure All allegiance and fidelity To any foreign prince, Potentate, state, or sovereignty, Of whom or which I have Heretofore been a subject or citizen. That I will support and defend THE CONSTITUTION and LAWS of THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA Against all enemies, foreign and domestic that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States When required by the law. that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States When required by the law. that I will perform work of National Importance Under Civilian Direction When required by the LAW. And that I take this Obligation Freely, Without Any mental reservation Or purpose of evasion So HELP ME GOD. (and) (The FOUNDATION Of heritage says) U N A L I E N A B L E R I G H T S (Include) the freedom to practice any religion you choose, to speak your mind, to petition the government to change the law, to be free from unreasonable searches and seizures, to bear arms, to have a fair trial, and to be free from cruel and unusual punishments (and) The Bill of Rights guarantees those rights for each and every individual, EVEN IF the government or a majority of the people might wish to deny those rights to Someone. (and) (the foundation of HERITAGE declares that States should make a law that says) No agency department county city unit of local government or political subdivision of this state may use or allocate any funds or provide any other form of assistance to any legal defense fund for the representation of A L I E N S unlawfully present in the United States (and the federal government proclaims that) A nonresident ALIEN either has NOT passed The Substantial Presence Test Or does NOT have a Green Card. (while) A resident ALIEN has a Green Card Or has passed The Substantial Presence Test. (And here is) :THE SUBSTANTIAL PRESENCE TEST: If you are present in the U.S. for 31 consecutive days In this calendar year AND you were present in the U.S. For 183 days over the last three years (and) You were present at least one-third of those days In the year prior to this calendar year (and) You were present one-sixth of the days In the year two years prior to this calendar year . . . You have MET THE SUBSTANTIAL PRESENCE TEST . . . (unless. . .) You are an EXEMPT INDIVIDUAL Such as: A foreign government-related individual Under an A or G visa (but) not an A-3 or G-5 class visa A teacher or teacher-trainee under a J or K visa Who is SUBSTANTIALLY Complying with the terms of your visa. A student under a F, J, Q or M visa who is SUBSTANTIALLY Complying with your visa terms. (OR) A professional athlete in the U.S. to play at A CHARITABLE SPORTS EVENT. (and) If you are an EXEMPT INDIVIDUAL YOU MAY NOT COUNT THE DAYS YOU WERE EXEMPT TOWARDS THE DAYS YOU ARE COUNTING FOR THE SUBSTANTIAL PRESENCE TEST AND IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A GREEN CARD OR HAVE NOT PASSED T H E S U B S T A N T I A L P R E S E N C E T E S T YOU ARE A L I E N (notwithstanding you are tired, hungry, or huddled)